A Tale of Woe

Once upon a time, there was a sweater, and, lo, it was beautiful.

The intrepid knitter knitted a gauge swatch, changed needles, knitted another gauge swatch, puzzled over said swatches, shrugged, and cast on.*

The knitter knit and knit, admiring the beautiful cabled yoke.

She then struggled mightily with the arm and put the sweater in time out. Eventually she realized that she had skipped a crucial sentence while reading the pattern... a sentence that goes something like, "Repeat in pattern for 49 more rows."** She took a deep breath, ripped, reknitted properly, and happily continued.

Hmmm, the knitter thought that this sweater seemed a little big. Another shrug. Probably an illusion. After all, she was following the pattern.***

The knitter finishes the body of the sweater and tries it on. It's too large. She attempts to convince herself this is not the case. Eventually, reason prevails.

She decides to continue knitting. Perhaps the sweater is destined for a friend! Friends love her knitting! This sweater is gorgeous! Yes, that's just what she'll do.

She finds the errata for the collar online and knits it. She attempts to sew it to the body of the sweater. It doesn't work. It's big and floppy and ridiculous.

She puts the sweater in time out for the second time.

The knitter goes to the cabin, a lovely, tranquil place. Here, she carefully rips out the collar and winds the yarn into a big ball. She begins to reknit it. Immediately the tranquility of the cabin is threatened.

A very difficult decision is made, and the sweater is exiled to the bottom of the dirty clothes bag.

Later that week, the knitter gathered the necessary supplies...

and

and a Weepies CD.

And she began.

I could think of a million ways

You proved you weren't the one

So live inside of your shades of gray...

The Weepies, "All Good Things"

Two hours later, her sweater looked like this:

I try to be honest, try to be kind
And honestly leave when I know that it's time
I know that it's time....

Even stars sometimes fade to gray.

The Weepies, "Hideaway"

The knitter is now knitting a scarf.

*Let this be a lesson.

**Let this be another lesson.

***Dear lord, the lessons are everywhere.