Thursday, March 10, 2011

Taking the Fork to Sanity While on the Way to Crazytown

This week I've been crazier than normal.  I can blame this on some minor, uninteresting things, but the reality is that I've just been in a funk and having a bad week.

When I got home from work, I saw that the lawn care people had been at my house for their first application of Chemicals That Probably Will Kill Us.  On their bill, stuck in a plastic bag and wrapped around our doorknob, the yard person had written:

Round 1, Fertilizer Look like you need to put grass seed down. you have alot of Dead grass.

After the angry grammarian inside my head calmed down-- Dead grass!  alot!  you have!-- I began freaking out about my dead grass.

Spring isn't the best time to plant grass seed.

If we plant grass seed, then we have to use special fertilizer.

If we plant grass seed, we have to water it all the friggin' time.

All the work we've thrown onto this stupid lawn is gone because we didn't water it during a drought.

A Master Gardener Intern cannot have a yard with "alot Dead grass."  They'll take away my badge!!

Then the sane part of me quietly asked, "What would happen if you don't plant grass seed now?"

The crazy shut up, cocked its head in thought, and said:
  • My yard would look like poo.  Since my yard looked like poo before the chemical people started spraying it and looked like poo last summer during the drought, I am used to my yard looking like poo.  It really doesn't bother me much.  Grass is a stupid choice for groundcover anyway.  It requries too much maintenance.
  • Lots of my neighbors have yards that look like poo.  Nobody will be horrified if I have "alot of Dead grass."
  • I would have less mowing to do this summer.
  • I could plant the grass seed in the fall.
  • I could cancel chemical people for the whole spring and summer because why bother trying to fertilize Dead grass? 
You know, this alot of Dead grass thing is a good thing.

That opened me up to seeing other things that made me happy, such as this gem which was delivered straight to my mailbox:

Secret?  I do not think this word means what you think that it means.


  1. Thanks for the smile. A little sanity goes a long way. Just don't overdo.


  2. "I do not think this word means what you think it means..."

    I'd say if your neighbors won't be bothered by brown grass, forget the chemicals. It's healthier. Having said that, though, I totally understand the lure of a verdant lawn....

  3. I added a bit with that first line about loving Princess Bride references, but it was erased for some reason.